I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
