Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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