i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
