I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
