I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
