Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
