and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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