I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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