I just saw a hot homeless man
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
