hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
