we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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