he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
