Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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