This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
