my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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