He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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