Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
