So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
