We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
