so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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