She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
cat food counts as protein by the way
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
