He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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