Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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