I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
