Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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