I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
