just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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