Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
