i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I AM VODKA MAN
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
