this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
