your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Your tits are I can't wait for
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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