I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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