So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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