So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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