He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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