Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
