my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
