I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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