So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
