eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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