it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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