SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
