you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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