She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sacagawea was the original milf.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
