this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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