Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
