either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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