i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
