mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
