he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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