the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize