so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
