you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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