It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
