So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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