real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
