You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
