Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
