I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
