So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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