good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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