the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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