Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
