she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
