I think I am morally bankrupt
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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