I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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