he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
