True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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