Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
